It was the anniversary of my burnout a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t bake a cake, but I did give myself a gift of a moment to sit down and reflect on how far I’ve come.
It’s been a long hot summer and I have barely had time to stop and breathe! Lots of fun things happened but I also had a bit of a rollercoaster ride there for a while, as mentioned in my last post. Things took a slide and I started to lose control of my routine and my daily work on myself. Anyway, now I have refocussed myself and got back into a routine, I have had a chance to look at my progress and my goals all over again.
What I’ve learned so far:
- positive habits need to be practised DAILY if I want to keep making progress on my sense of self worth
- meditation, mindfulness, exercise, cognitive behavioural therapy tasks, journalling etc WILL make me feel better but I need to do some
- Re the above – just a little bit every day will suffice
- A healthy diet, and lifestyle really does support me to feel less anxious and sleep better
- Reminders to share the load, delegate, and seek help are a helpful prompt (I am doing calendar reminders)
I have also continued to dig deeper into the reasons why I have behaved in certain ways, which stem from my childhood and being brought up by a narcissistic mother and enabling father. This is a challenging situation which is difficult for many people to understand unless they have experienced the same thing. Negative talk about one’s mother is hard for some people to swallow and is not helped by the pedestal on which we place ‘the mother’ in our society, and the constant perception and presumption that mothers are generally angelic and wonderful, even though some are clearly not. (Mothers’ Day is an annual Facebook blackout for me).
So with all this in mind, time to refocus my goals for the Autumn.
What I continue to work on:
- Believing that I am worthy of all the ‘life goals’ other people took for granted growing up (having a happy marriage, family, home life etc)
- Believing I am worthy of happiness, abundance, opportunity and love
- Valuing myself too highly to be a slave to work or killing myself for a sense of ‘duty’
- Trusting that everyone else close to me, other than my parents, loves me unconditionally
- Believing that I have the right to live the life I want to
- Understanding that all the above is factually true, and that any doubts and shame that arise about this are my just my inner parental voice talking and can be laughed at and waved on.
What are you learning on your recovery journey?